I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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