When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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