You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
