Moan for me like Helen Keller
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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