and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
