Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
