I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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