I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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