Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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