College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
