Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize