he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
