I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
