she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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