normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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