Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
