u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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