The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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