I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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