stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
