we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
