He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
