All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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