i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize