i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
