Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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