Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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