I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
