I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
