How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize