Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
