There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
