I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
