): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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