What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
