me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
