Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
