We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
