I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize