Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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