i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
