Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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