guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
