You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
