does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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