Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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