dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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