I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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