Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
