I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
