I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
