so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
