Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Michael Bay diarrhea
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
