Don't make out with my wife yet
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
