mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
