if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
