this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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