Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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