Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
