You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize