Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
