So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
