worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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