I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
