I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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