Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
