Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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