I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
