that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
do nipples grow back?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
